Unconditional love or dependent love? Jealousy or possessiveness? Do you constantly need the other, do you live for him (her) and only through him (her)? Do you dread loneliness and are you constantly afraid of being abandoned? Are you starting to develop a certain emotional dependence?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, this article is for you.
To effectively combat emotional dependence, you must first understand it.
What is emotional dependence?
Emotional dependence is a deep feeling of lack that we seek to fill with an external element to avoid suffering. Generally, this emotional void cannot be filled by a romantic relationship!
Human relationships and romantic relationships in particular, bring out our vulnerability. Awareness is needed. We must therefore come out of denial and face the problem.
Emotional dependence: How to get out of it?
Fighting against emotional dependence is a process of personal development that must be laid down. You have to start by recognizing your addiction and accepting it. From then on, a work of personal reconstruction can begin.
To fight emotional dependence, you have to find what makes you dependent on the other. You must not try to compensate or fill it with another person or with a romantic relationship. Everything will stop when you learn to be self-sufficient. You will get out of your addiction when you put your finger on your gray areas, when you become aware of your shortcomings, your weaknesses, your sufferings and your fears.
You will have to build enough love for yourself to change your behavior.
To get out of emotional dependence and live a healthy and lasting relationship, you must first work on self-confidence to learn to love yourself.
You can’t love another in a healthy way if you don’t love yourself.
Love yourself enough and focus on yourself. Try to find the right balance between personal, sentimental, family, student or professional life.
Easy to say ! Luckily you are not alone. Mental health professionals are there to help and support you in this work.
If you’re not ready to start therapy, you can try the following tips.
Occupy your time
Make a schedule to dedicate time to what you really love to do. This can go through sport, going to the cinema, doing artistic activities (painting, drawing, singing, dancing…), discovering other horizons, other cultures, doing meditation, traveling… So many activities that can help you to know yourself and gain autonomy.
Take the time to re-socialize outside your couple and reconnect with all the people whose company you enjoy. You can also meet new people, make new friends, plan outings…
Volunteering to help those in need increases self-esteem. Contributing to the happiness of others will fill your heart with joy, you will come out of it bigger and stronger.
Know yourself / Love yourself
Take charge of your life, take action and be convinced that you are capable of building yourself independently of your relationship.
To cure your emotional dependence, it is necessary that you position yourself on an axis of personal development and that you take action.
Do a work of self-knowledge that will lead you to love yourself and therefore to love the other in a healthy way so that the relationship as a couple is fulfilling and non-toxic.
Making an inner journey will help you find happiness and a state of deep and lasting balance.
Learn to trust yourself, to consider yourself, to respect yourself, to love yourself for what you are. Take care of yourself, your body, your mind and your heart.
You will enjoy your own company and no longer fear loneliness.
Learn to listen to your needs, your desires, the signals of your body. Be aware of your shortcomings, your weaknesses and your sufferings, this is what prevents you from building your own happiness independently of the other.
Learn to acquire lasting autonomy and you will gradually begin to detach yourself from the other to love him in a fair way, so that your love is not suffocating for your partner.
Stop making efforts to please, so as not to be rejected. Be yourself, authentic.
Stop asking other people’s opinions all the time. You can achieve a lot of things without the approval of others. You are the main actor of your life!
Some practical advice to adopt:
- Avoid “did you miss me?” “, ” You love Me ? “, ” where were you ? “, “Who were you with on whatsapp? », « Who were you with on the phone? », which express your dependence and your fragility more than your love.
- Do what you want to do without waiting for validation or approval from the other, that’s how you will go beyond the limits you have imposed on yourself.
- Wait to feel the emotions to express them sincerely instead of doing too much in order to receive marks of affection.
- Take the time to think before committing to respond favorably to all the requests of the other.
- Learn to say “NO” when necessary.
- Freely and openly express your opinion and your opinion without worrying about the reaction of the other.
In summary, when you make peace with your shortcomings and your weaknesses, you will find the happiness that you will have founded yourself on sound and solid foundations and not on illusions. It is this happiness that you will have built that will make you grow and elevate you.
You will understand that happiness does not come exclusively from the other, happiness is built. It’s a daily job.
You will no longer need the other to make you happy because you are already happy and that is when you will move from relationships of dependence to relationships of love, you will move from dependent love to unconditional love.